BEHIND THE MIC

I’ve always loved playing sport and watching sport. Sadly I’m something of a failed sportsman. I’ve played soccer, rugby & cricket but was never quite good enough to make the grade at any of them.

It’s often said that the next best thing to playing professional sport is reporting or commentating on it. It’s probably too late for me now but

I’ve often wondered what it would be like to turn my passion for sport into a career.

Sports commentators have a challenging job. They need to convey the excitement of a game or sporting event to their viewers or listeners over the television or radio broadcast. Their main purpose is to contribute information that is vital to the viewers or listeners understanding of that event. In essence they need to describe the action to such an extent that the audience feels they are actually there in person! Sometimes they have to go beyond the action that they are describing. Interviews, history, injury news & pre/post event analysis all add to the viewers or listeners insight and enjoyment.

Radio, of course, is different to TV. The man behind the radio mic has to make you see what is actually happening.  It is often said that the best radio commentators paint pictures on the blank canvas of your mind. The TV commentator, on the other-hand, will not usually comment on visually obvious things. The viewer can already see the pictures. The commentator is merely embellishing them. The best TV commentators leave you talking about what you saw, not what you heard them say!

We all have our favourite radio & TV commentators. I’m showing my age here (and apologies to those readers who are too young to remember him) but my favourite all-time BBC radio commentator would have to be Peter Jones. He was unrivalled in his ability to paint word pictures and capture the excitement of any occasion. His wonderful voice, with its soothing welsh lilt, was calm but at the same time authoritative. I’ll never forget the dignified way he handled the reporting of the awful Hillsborough Disaster in 1986.

Other personal favourites include the ‘voice of summer’, John Arlott, with his instantly recognisable Hampshire burr and Brian ‘Johnners’ Johnston. Are summers the same since these two legends passed away? My late father once told me that Johnners used to be a TV commentator but was dropped for being too humorous!

As for TV commentators I find it hard to choose between the engaging Richie Benaud & the ‘voice of rugby’, Bill McLaren. Richie Benaud was the master of cricket commentators. He knew that the picture was the main thing and that it was his job to add to that picture rather than tell us what we can already see. He combined deftly-timed comments with wry humour. Bill Maclaren’s passion for rugby shone through like a beacon. He was famous for his classic quotes like “He’s like a demented ferret up a wee drainpipe”.  Though he was a very proud Scotsman he always remained impartial.

Down the years there have been many famous commentators whose voices are instantly recognisable and who have become synonymous with the sport they commentated on. Here are a few of those:-

Football - Kenneth Wolstenhome, Peter Jones, John Motson, Barry Davies, Brian Moore

Cricket – John Arlott, Brian Johnston, Richie Benaud

Rugby Union – Bill McLaren

Rugby League – Eddie Waring

Boxing – Harry Carpenter

Golf – Henry Longhurst, Peter Alliss

Motor Racing – Murray Walker

Tennis – Dan Maskell

Snooker – Ted Lowe

Darts – Sid Waddell

Horse Racing – Peter O’Sullivan

Athletics / Football – David Coleman

Many of those are professional broadcast journalists with little or no competitive experience. There are a growing number of ex-sportsmen & women who are taking up the mic. What the latter sometimes lack in broadcasting skills they make up for with their inside knowledge of the sport. Legendary Murray Walker is an interesting character. His distinctive, enthusiastic style is not to everyone’s liking. It won’t surprise some to know that he had no formal journalistic training and only limited racing experience of his own!!

Talking about Murray Walker brings me nicely on to the final section. [Thank God for that I hear you say ... but rest assured I’ve saved the best for last]. Walker, of course, is famous for his verbal bloopers. As I mentioned earlier, being a professional commentator is not easy and here are some of my favourite funny sporting gaffes which go to show that even the best broadcasters are human

·        "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing." (Pat Glenn, Weighlifting Commentator)

·        "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."  (New Zealand Rugby Commentator)

·        "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother." (Ted Walsh, Show-Jumping Commentator)

·        "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew." (Harry Carpenter, commentating on the 1977 Boat Race)

·        “Ballasteros felt much better today after getting a 69 yesterday” (Steve Rider, US Masters Golf)

·        "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets” (Mike Hallett, Snooker)

·        "One of the reasons Arnie is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ... Oh my God, what have I just said” (US PGA Golf Commentator about Arnold Paimer)

·        "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself." (Ken Brown, Scottish Masters Golf commenting on Nick Faldo’s caddy, Fanny Sunneson)

·        “I don't like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to go down on him.” (Murray Mexted, New Zealand Rugby)

·        “You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that.” (Mexted)

·        “He's looking for some meaningful penetration into the backline.” (Mexted)

·        “Steve is going for the pink ball - and for those of you who are watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green.” (Ted Lowe, Snooker)

·        “For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2.” (Ted Lowe)

·        “The man is United - cut him and he bleeds red." (Alan Brazil, Soccer talking about Sir Alex Ferguson)

·        “The bowler’s Holding the batsman’s Willey.” (Brian Johnston, Cricket)

·        “Botham’s in the slips, with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle.” (Brian Johnston)

·        “With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off.” (Bobby Simpson, Cricket about Neil Fairbrother)

·        "Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious." (Alan Minter, Boxing)

·        "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (Greg Norman, Golf)

·        "Paula has a quick look between her legs and likes what she sees." (Athletics Commentator on Paula Radcliffe)

·        “Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." (Metro Radio Football Commentator)

·        "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." (US Baseball Commentator)

·        "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces." (US Basketball Commentator)

The following section is devoted to David Coleman

·         “And the line up for the final of the Women's 400 metres hurdles includes three Russians, two East Germans, a Pole, a Swede and a Frenchman.”

·         “That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record.”

·         “The Republic of China - back in the Olympic Games for the first time.”

·         “Linford Christie’s got a habit of pulling it out when it matters most.”

·         “The late start is due to the time.”

·         “And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.”

Here’s a section devoted to Kevin Keegan

·         “Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or thirties.”

·         “In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg.”

·         “Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice.”

·         “That would have been a goal if it wasn't saved.”

·         “I'd love to be a mole on the wall in the Liverpool dressing room at half-time.”

·         “I want more from David Beckham. I want him to improve on perfection.”

And finally a section devoted to the aforementioned Murray Walker

• “It's raining and the track is wet!”
• “There are four different cars filling the first four places.“
• This is lap 54. After that it's 55, 56, 57, 58.”
• “The gap between the two cars is 0.9 of a second which is less than one second.”
• “This is an interesting circuit because it has inclines, and not just up but down as well.”
• Look up there! That's the sky!”
• “The faster he goes the quicker he'll get to the pits. The slower he goes the longer it will take.
• “Twenty four points for Schumacher, twenty three points for Hill, so there's only one point between them if my mental arithmetic is correct.
• ”What does it feel like to be rammed up the backside by Barrichello?”
• “As you can see, visually, with your eyes.”
• “Either the car is stationary or it's on the move.”
• “There is nothing wrong with the car except that it is on fire.
• “I imagine the conditions in those cars today are totally unimaginable.”
• “I make no apologies for their absence. I'm sorry they're not here.”
• “It's not quite a curve. It's a straight actually!”
• He can't decide whether to have his visor half open or half closed”
• “The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical.”

Hope you have enjoyed my latest post.

See you next time!