Sledging - It's Just Not Cricket!

Sledging (or mental disintegration as former Aussie captain Steve Waugh called it) is a term used in cricket to describe the practice where some players seek to gain an advantage by verbal intimidation of an opposing player.

Verbal exchanges have long been part of the game. The story goes that W.G. Grace, who played first class cricket from 1865 to 1908, once refused to walk in an exhibition match when bowled. He said to the bowler "They've come to watch me bat, not watch you bowl!"

The term sledging has been around for the last generation apparently derived from the "subtle as a sledgehammer" comments made by players in Adelaide in the mid '60s. Tabloid reporting and the use of stump microphones has increased our awareness of the verbal exchanges that take place out in the middle.

I've put together a few of my favourite cricket sledges. Most, unsurprisingly, involve Aussies. Some are well-known, others less so, and a couple are taken from my own playing days. Hope you enjoy reading these and feel free to comment afterwards:-

• Daryll Cullinan (South Africa) / Shane Warne (Australia)

Warne (as Cullinan walked to the wicket): "I've been waiting 2 years to humiliate you!”
Cullinan: "Looks like you spent it eating!!"

• James Ormond (England) / Mark Waugh (Australia)

Waugh (as Ormond came out to bat): “F**k me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England!"
Ormond: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family!"

• Adam Parore (New Zealand) / Mark Waugh (Australia)

Waugh: "Oh, I remember you from a few years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you're f**king useless now!"
Parore: “Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c**t!!"

• Eddo Brandes (Zimbabwe) / Glenn McGrath (Australia)

McGrath: "Hey Eddo, why are you so f**king fat?”
Brandes: "Because every time I f**k your wife, she throws me a biscuit!"

• Robin Smith (England) / Merv Hughes (Australia)

Hughes: "You can't f**king* bat!"
Smith (after he had despatched Merv to the Lords boundary): "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl!"

• Viv Richards (W Indies) / Merv Hughes (Australia)

Richards (in a test match at Antigua): “This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl!"
Hughes (after dismissing Viv): "In my culture we just say f**k off!!"

• Javed Miandad (Pakistan) / Merv Hughes (Australia)

Miandad: "Merv, you're like a fat bus conductor!"
Hughes (as he dismissed Miandad a few balls later): "Tickets, please!"

• Devon Malcolm (England) / Viv Richards (W Indies) [but also attributed to Greg Thomas/Viv Richards & Shaun Pollock/Ricky Ponting]

Malcolm (after beating Viv several times in one over): "It's round & red, now try playing it!"
Richards (after hitting the ball out of the ground): "You know what it looks like, so you go and f**king find it!!"

• Arjuna Runatanga (Sri Lanka) / Ian Healy (Australia)

Healy (after Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a 1-day international): "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!"

• Arjuna Runatanga (Sri Lanka) / Ian Healy (Australia)

Healy (as Shane Warne was trying to tempt the portly batsman out of his crease): "Put a Mars bar on a good length. That should do it!"

• Malcolm Marshall (W Indies) / David Boon (Australia)

Marshall (after Boon had played and missed a few times): "Now David, are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you!!"

• Ian Botham (England) / Rod Marsh (Australia)

Marsh (as Botham took guard): "So, how's your wife & my kids?"

Not sure what Botham's response was but he should have said "The wife's fine, but the kids are a bit retarded!"


Here are a couple I picked up myself from club cricket:-

Bowler (when very few players wore helmets in club cricket and after the opposing batsman played some silly shots): "His helmet's cutting off the blood circulation to his brain!"

Bowler (after the batsman played and missed several times): "He's fishing without a licence, let's reel him in!"

Finally, not a sledge as such, but I had to include this exchange between 2 England teammates, Fred Trueman & Raman Subba Row:-

Subba Row (at the end of an over in which the batsman had edged Trueman between RSWs legs at 1st slip): "I should've kept my legs together Fred"
Trueman: "So should your mother!!"

This is not meant to be an exhaustive list but just some of my favourites from years gone by.

Let me know your personal favourite? Have I not included your favourite sledge(s)? Please let me know?

Comments are welcome, both good & bad!